Two friends John and Dave were two huge baseball fans. During their entire lives, John and Dave talked baseball. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.
One night, John

Always Thirty 　　
A judge asked the defendant her age.
"Thirty,"she replied.
"You've given that age in this court for the last three years."
"Yes. I'm not one of those who says one thing today and another thing tomorrow."

An Advertisement for Modern Bicycle
Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost ￡50, so he went to the shop to have a look.
After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, "There isn't a lamp on thi

I Never Thought So
Student: Teacher, I never thought you would give me a zero in this subject.
Teacher: I never thought so, either, but there is no lower mark.
我没想到
学生：老师，我没想到这门课您会给我零分。
老师：我也没想到，可是，没有再低的分数了。

Tom and Jack
Tom: I always tell my wife everything that happens.
Jack: That's nothing. I always tell my wife lots of things that never happen.
汤姆和杰克
汤姆：我总是把所有发生过的事情告诉我妻子。
杰克：那算什么，我总是把许多从未发生过的事情告诉我妻子。

Whose Fault
Jill:Daddy, Jack's broken my new doll.
Daddy:How did he do that?
Jill: I hit him on the head with it.
谁之过？
吉尔：爸爸，杰克把我的新娃娃弄坏了。
爸爸:他怎么弄坏的？
吉尔:刚才我用娃娃砸了他的头。

Beat the Champion
Tom:I have beaten a champion at Chinese chess.
Mom: Wonderful!  You've done a good job!
Tom: But he is the tennis champion.
战胜冠军
汤姆：我下象棋战胜了冠军。
妈妈：太好了！你干得不错。
汤姆：可是，他是网球冠军。

The Truth
      The guest was leaving. He said to the host's little son, "Tom, would you like to see me off at the bus stop?"
    "No, sorry," said the boy.  "

Toothache
Jim:Is that tooth still aching?  I'd have that tooth out if it were mine.
Tom:So would I if it were yours.
牙痛
吉姆：那颗牙还痛吗？如果那颗牙是我的，我就请人把它拔掉。
汤姆：如果那颗牙是你的，我也会这么做的。

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."
The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, " I spat in this beer, do not drink!".  After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "

Who is better satisfied?  A person with six children or a person with $6 million?
The person with six children of course.
Why?
Because the one with $6 million wants more.

No Problem
A bald man took a seat in a beauty shop. "How can I help you?" asked the stylist. "I went for a hair transplant," the guy explained, "but I couldn't stand the pain. If you can make my hair look like yours without causing me any discomfort, I'll pay you $5,000."

Friend for Dinner
"Honey," said the husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."
"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"  
"I know all that."
"

Five Hundred Times
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light. She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her cas